This weekend, I finally attended my first MiraCon in Denver. (The actual name of the con was Star Fest, but we know better! It was MiraCon.)

Anyway, as a 15-year veteran of science fiction cons, I thought I was prepared for this one. Not even slightly, I found out to my chagrin. Just as you don't enter the Boston Marathon without training, you shouldn't attempt a MiraCon without a bit of preparation.

In the interest of educating my fellow club-members, I have prepared a short primer to help you make the most of your MiraCon experience when you finally get to meet her in person.

Part One: Preparation

1. Getting in shape. I'm not talking about sit-ups or push-ups. The muscles you will need to tone in order to meet Mira are your facial muscles. You will be smiling a lot! Some people only smile between 5 and 10 times a day, which can lead to flabby smile muscles. With Mira, you can safely multiply the number of smiles by 10. So let's work out those smile muscles! Start two weeks prior to the con. Choose your "smile word"--something you will hear a lot, like paper or cat or "um." Every time you hear this word, smile. I'm not talking a smirk; smile like the top of your head will fall off if it gets any wider. This is the proper simulation of a Mira-induced smile. Start slowly, about an hour or two a day, then increase your workouts until you can grin non-stop for an entire weekend.
   
   
2. Getting to and from the convention. Realize that, since you are seeing Mira Furlan and not some other actor, Murphy's Law will be in full force for the entire weekend. With that in mind, it's best to schedule any airline flights with a wide margin of error. If the con starts on Friday, plan to arrive Tuesday before. It may seem like overkill, but you can never be certain about delays. Schedule your flight home as late as humanly possible. Despicable as it may seem, there are certain programming types who like to schedule Mira's appearance at 6 p.m. on Sunday (not that I'm mentioning any names!!!).



3. Preserving the memory. Don't forget to bring lots of batteries, blank tapes, and film. These will be even more effective if you bring a tape recorder and camera.

Part Two: Finding Mira at the Con.

1. Before beginning your search for Mira, it's best to make sure she's actually a guest at the con you are attending. You can waste so much time looking for Mira at a con featuring Majel Barrett Roddenberry as GoH.
2. Once you're certain she is attending the con, look for certain subtle clues to Mira's location. Things like huge printed signs saying, "AUTOGRAPH LINE - MIRA FURLAN" are very helpful in locating her. Other telltale signs of Mira-sightings are tons of dazed, happy looking people walking about carrying autographed pictures of Delenn.

Part Three: Recognizing Mira.

Here are some physical clues to recognizing Mira Furlan out of make-up.

1. She does not have a head-bone growing out of her skull.


2. Her hair is not almost black (as it seems on the show), but a beautiful golden-brown.


3. She does indeed have eyebrows.


4. She is small and delicate-looking.


5. When she laughs or smiles, time stands still for just a moment.

Part Four: Talking to Mira.

1. Once you've found her, you're probably going to want to talk to Mira...or at least get an autograph. Here's a hint--do not go to the front of the line and yell, "DELENN! DELENN! Look at me!" This will get you hurt...by the other people in line! Go politely to the end of the line and wait your turn.
   
   
2. No matter how confident the guy behind you sounds, do not let him convince you that Mira is from Czechoslovakia. As a card-carrying member to the Mira Furlan Fan Club, you should *know* she's from Bulgaria! (Just kidding; we all know Mira's from Uruguay.) [MFFC's] Editor's Note - Now Stop That, Deb! You know very well she is from Yugoslavia - and if you didn't know that, you need to turn in your membership!
   
   
3. There is always a temptation to bring small gifts or tokens of esteem for Mira. A good rule of thumb in choosing gifts: if she'll need a tetanus shot to accept it, don't give it to her.
   
   
4. The best stills for autographing are at Mira's table. Trust me, that ripped-out photo from the TV Guide just won't have the same effect in your scrapbook.
   
   
5. Breathe. Don't forget to breathe. Once she turns her attention on you, everything else will be irrelevant. Mira's poise is contagious; just enjoy the moment.

Part Five: The Q&A Session.

Anyone who's ever seen a celebrity at a con knows that the Q&A session can be a minefield of opportunity to embarrass yourself. With the help of Moyra J. Bligh, a 6-time MiraCon veteran, I've compiled a list of questions you don't want to ask at the Q&A session.

1. So, you're on TV, right?


2. I saw you with a baby earlier; was that David?


3. When did you have the headbone-reduction operation?


4. How long did it take you to learn Adronato?


5. 5. What's it like being married to Bruce Boxleitner?


6. What do you drive in real life, a Starfury or a Minbari flyer?


7. Are those prosthetic eyebrows?


8. In the fifth episode of season three, why was your hair parted to the left instead of the right?


9. If you threw a baseball out of a Starfury in the hyperspace, how long would it take to hit something?


10. What was it like growing up in Czechoslovakia?

Conclusion: General Convention Tips.

1. It's not a good idea to wear sandals to Denver in April.
   Don't ask me how I know; just trust me.


2. Never get between a Klingon and his destination


3. It is never appropriate to do the Xena yell in a crowded elevator.


4. Mass quantities of caffeine and sleep do not mix. Choose one or the other.


5. Always arrive early to get a good seat. 6 am is a good time.

Remember, it's all about having fun! So, when Mira comes within traveling distance of *your* town, follow these instructions, buy a membership, and experience the joy that is MiraCon!